Throwback Thursday: Jack’s Lobotomy

Since I’ve moved my blog, I figured I should maybe share some of my more popular posts from the old site. This is one of them:

I acquired Jack as 3 year old stallion. Yes, I am slightly nuts…. Why do you ask?  Actually, Jack had no clue he was a stallion, so it wasn’t really a problem.  I figured I’d just have him gelded come spring when the weather warmed up.  Easy peasy, problem solved. Until spring came and I couldn’t find a vet to do it.

It seems Sport Horse vets are kind of weenies when it comes to gelding 16.3h, 3 yr old stallions. Which is understandable, there can be complications with gelding older stallions, especially big ones.  General anesthesia in horses is tricky as it is, trickier with big ones who can injure themselves while going down. Plus, fully matured testicles have a tendency to bleed more and cause all kinds of problems. So, none of the local Sport Horse vets would do it. They all said, “Take him to New Bolton.”

New Bolton, for those not living in NJ, is the equine hospital at the University of Pennsylvania. It’s also the closest equine hospital to me. It’s a great facility, but it’s about an hour and a half away.  It also costs an arm and a leg. I was looking at around 1500 bucks to get this horse gelded, more if he had to stay up there.  Not that I’m cheap, but they geld adult horses at the track all the time without taking them to New Bolton.  What I needed was a track vet.

Of course, track vets are usually busy at the track, so I had to get a semi-retired track vet. We’ll call him Dr. Bill. I call Dr. Bill up, explain the situation, give him Jack’s size and age and he agrees to come out and do it that week.  Nice!

Dr. Bill shows up in the uniform of retirement, sweat pants and sneakers. Not the new style sweat pants, either, the old style with the elastic on the legs. He also has two younger (and better dressed) vets in tow. He explains that the two younger vets are there to watch, because they’ve never seen this procedure done before.  At this point I’m a bit puzzled, because how the hell do you get out of vet school without ever seeing a horse gelded?  Luckily, Dr. Bill explained.

Because of Jack’s size, he was going to be gelded while fully awake and standing. I was a little horrified at this news, but Dr. Bill was already here and I really didn’t want to take Jack to New Bolton. Dr. Bill handed me a twitch and off we went to get Jack.

It was a nice and sunny day, so Dr. Bill elected to do the job outside in the pasture. Apparently, natural light is better for these types of procedures. Jack was given a light sedative, twitched, and then Dr. Bill pulled out a giant syringe of lidocaine and proceeded to inject the, ahem, “surgical area”. It was at this point that my husband, who had come out to see what was going on, booked it back into the house as fast as he could go.

We sat for a minute as we waited for the lidocaine and sedatives to kick in. I was holding Jack and the twitch, while the vets congregated at the other end of the horse discussing the procedure. I hoped Jack wasn’t listening….

It ended up being quite interesting, since Dr. Bill was explaining everything to the young vets as he went.  According to Dr. Bill, doing it this way helps prevent excessive bleeding and swelling on older horses, as gravity helps flush everything out. It’s also easier to be certain that you’ve got all the glandular tissue. Mature horses have more testosterone producing glandular tissue than immature ones, and if you miss any of that tissue the horse may still act like a stud. As an added bonus, Dr. Bill trimmed up Jack’s scrotum so that, in his own words, “It doesn’t flap around when you ride him.”  I had never thought about that, but yes, it would be rather embarrassing to go down centerline with a flapping scrotum.  To Dr. Bill’s credit, Jack’s surgical site stopped bleeding in less than 24 hours, never swelled and does not flap around.

It was all over fairly quickly, and Jack didn’t seem to mind at all. The vets all patted him and complimented him on what a good boy he had been. And then Dr. Bill asked what I wanted to do with the testicles…

I don’t know how it is in other places, but in this area there’s a rather odd ritual of throwing the newly removed testicles onto the roof of the barn after a gelding. Dr. Bill, holding the organs in question, asked me if I wanted him to throw them up on the barn roof, the barn roof located right next to where we were standing. Horrified, I replied “He’s standing right here! Awake! He can see them!” Dr. Bill shrugged, said “OK”, and then nonchalantly handed me the testicles.

So, now I’m standing there holding my totally awake gelding and his testicles. I looked at Jack. Jack looked at me. I asked him, “Are we still friends?”. He bumped me with his head to get me to scratch his ears. I took that as a “yes”.

I buried the testicles next to the arena and planted a nice iris over them. When it blooms, I point it out to Jack as we ride past.

Look, Jack! there’s your balls…”
 

8 thoughts on “Throwback Thursday: Jack’s Lobotomy

  1. OMG, thank you for a much-needed laugh today!! “He handed me the testicles…” As a teenager I did a bit of veterinary assisting, at small animal hospitals. For a long time nothing made me very queasy: not gory wounds, cages full of stinky poo, etc. Then one day I arrived for work shortly after a cat had been castrated in the procedure room. I could see the recumbent animal so I had an idea of what was going on, but I was not prepared to be pranked by another assistant in the way he proceeded to do.
    He turned around, holding one testicle up to each ear by the spermatic cord, and says, “How do ya like my new earrings?” For some reason this caused me to to see stars. I had to sit with my head between my knees. I just don’t do well with removed balls, I guess! I would not have been so blase seeing Dr. Bill waving Jack’s around, that is for darn sure! Glad they’re growing a nice iris… also glad your hubby had wisely decamped to the house or I think you might have had a fainter on hand as well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I was a veterinary technician for many years, so I wasn’t too bothered by the testicles themselves, just the idea of desecrating them right in front of the horse they were just removed from!

      We pulled a lot of silly pranks at work, but testicle earrings is a new one! LOL!

      Like

  2. OMG I’m dying! I’ve only had one colt gelded and he wasn’t mine, I just took care of him. I felt like I was right there with you. When he handed you the testicles I almost spit out my tea. Sounds like he sure knows what he’s doing that and Jack was perfectly happy. Now if all men were to be so chill! On a side note, I too am in NJ…..hmmm blogger meet up?

    Liked by 1 person

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